In my last blog, I discussed 5 ways to affair-proof your marriage. If you didn’t catch it, click here to read it. This blog is a continuation of that blog and will discuss 5 ways you can metaphorically “water” your relationship through the building, strengthening, and remembering of passion.
5 Ways to take your relationship from Pass-on-it to Passionate
A word we all love.
When I write it, I think of a couple ravenously kissing on a beach with a sun setting behind them.
Why? I’m not sure. But this vision comes to mind.
Do you have it in your relationship? I hope the answer is yes.
I know if you’re in your first year of dating or marriage, I can guess you aren’t having trouble stirring up feelings of passion toward your partner.
But what if you are in year 5. Year 10. Or even year 40 of your marriage? My guess is you may not feel your passion is as strong as it once was. But I believe you can.
Do you remember the first time you kissed your spouse? Can you think back to the passion you felt in that moment?
Was it palpable? Were you physically hot? Did you feel tingly all over?
Did you hear fireworks? Or did you feel like you should be the final scene in a romantic movie?
Well that memory.
That faint feeling.
That’s what I want to help you gather up again.
Because your marriage needs passion now just as much as it needed it when you met.
And believe it or not, it can be found and reintroduced with a little intentional effort and creativity. Believe me.
But before we start, let’s focus on what the definition of passion is.
According to the Merriam Webster dictionary:
Passion: strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something
So why do we care if we have strong feelings of enthusiasm or excitement in marriage? Well, it’s simple.
Marriage isn’t supposed to be just work. (It is work.) But it should also be fun. And when we lack passion, many things that could be enjoyable in marriage seems less rewarding.
And then we do them less. And then the less we do, the more we feel unsatisfied and the more we feel unsatisfied….you can see where this goes.
To a bad place.
So in the spirit of keeping you away from the bad places and into the good places…the very, very good places, here are my 5 favorite ways to ignite passion in your relationship.
- Retell your love story to one another and if possible revisit the places within it.
Take a date and let it be focused on nothing more than reliving your love story. Have one partner start with the first memory of meeting. Tell where you first remember talking or flirting. What was your partner wearing? How did they smell?
Take time to focus on memories within your story and be as specific as possible. Relive sweet conversations and romantic dates. If possible, go to the place you had your first date. And describe certain points in time that changed your heart toward theirs. Was there something special that happened? A time you thought it might not happen. Tell them what made them stand out to you over others. Your partner will love remembering why you fell for them.
Why is this helpful? Well there is no better way to find passion than to revisit the original passion that started the whole thing. Sometimes emotions get buried deep. Using your love story is an easy way to dig out the emotions from the past.
- Listen to your favorite love songs together or watch a movie.
Okay. Have no shame. Is “I’ll Make Love to You” By Boyz to Men your favorite love song?
Oh it isn’t? That’s right. I forgot. You’re more of a Celine Dion fan. Listening to the “Power of Love” gets you every time. Right after you finish “Love Story” by Taylor Swift. ;)
Well, whatever it is. Take a night at home or a long car ride or a nice dinner at home to listen to some of your favorite love songs with your spouse. And be very intentional about finding songs that really rouse emotion in you. Especially ones that hold a joint memory together. (Hey, that’s not the type of joint I meant. :)
Do you have a song that is YOUR song? A song that defines the first part of your relationship? Or reminds you of when you first got together? Married? Or something else significant?
If you want to ignite some passion, do yourself a favor and listen to it.
Music can be very powerful in stirring up emotion. And saying things in ways that arouse passion within us. And strangely, a sad breakup song might make you appreciate your spouse in front of you.
I don’t know about you, but right now Ed Sheeran’s “Thinking out Loud” stirs up every possible emotion of love I could feel for my husband. I could listen to that song all day.
I mean when I hear. “Cause honey your soul could never grow old, it’s evergreen.” I’m just overcome with love. Who wouldn’t be? ;)
So find a song that resonates with you. And you will find some passion.
- Go watch your partner do something they are good at or ask them to talk about why they have so much passion for it.
One way to ignite passion is to remember things that make your partner special to you. Sometimes we forget things that originally stood out to us about our partner.
Are they good at work-working? Are they good at golf? Are they a dynamic cook? Mother? Artist? Reader? Singer? Guitarist?
I guarantee they are good at something. And you probably overlook it at times. So I want you to intentionally take time to be in their presence while they’re doing something they are good at?
And here’s the even bigger and better part.
Have them begin to describe why they like the guitar so much. Have them explain to you how it works.
For many people, watching someone talk about something they are passionate about ignites passion in us. And typically when they are someone you have romantic feelings towards, that passion in us turns into romantic passion.
- Write a love letter to each other read it out loud together.
When’s the last time you took time to write out things you love about your partner? When’s the last time you got all Shakespearean and broke out your thees and thous and metaphors of their skin to milk? Oh, never?
Well, there’s no time like the present. If you’ve never done it. Take some time to write out a love letter toward your spouse. Then read them to one another.
You can giggle. You can laugh. But after you’re through with that. Be sincere. Words can speak to the heart whether poetic or not…if they’re sincere.
Sure you may be trying to say,
When I stand in your presence, The love you exude, feels like a thousands rays of sunlight of warmth and love…
But you end up saying.
I love you because you make me happy.
That’s beautiful. Because you mean it.
- Take turns listing off the last 3 times you felt proud that person was your spouse.
Have you ever been in a public setting with your spouse or in the privacy of your home and watched your spouse do something that made you beam with love and pride? Did you tell them or did you keep it to yourself?
I think often times when we do feel a strong sensation or love toward our mate, we forget to relay that to them. So this last idea involves you taking time to think about the last three times your partner made you proud.
“Remember the other week when our daughter was melting down and instead of getting angry, you scooped her up and made her laugh? Well in that moment, I couldn’t help but think about how lucky she is to have you as a father and how grateful I am that I get to parent with you.”
Say specific things like that. And rotate saying what makes you proud about your spouse.
Oh, and with this one. There is one more important thing you must do before getting started.
Take off your clothes.
Yes. This one is meant for naked time.
Why you ask?
Well. I can’t say.
I just know my clients always felt it did a great job of igniting passion. ;)
The author of this article is a licensed marriage and family therapist and writes a blog called Sanctification and Spitup on faith, family, parenting and marriage. If you want to keep up with her blog regularly, click HERE to ‘LIKE” Sanctification and Spitup on Facebook.