You know how there are shows called Extreme Couponing? Or Extreme Cheapskates? Well, if I was on a show. Mine would be called Extreme Breastfeeders. Because, I’ve been a mom for 6.5 years and have been breastfeeding 5 of those years.
Meaning, I’m the kind of mom that lets her kids breastfeed WELL past the time that society still deems it socially appropriate. The kind that makes other people uncomfortable at times, even other moms, when they find out how long I breastfeed my children. And you’ll see why if you keep reading. ;)
Like my first son breastfed until one week past his second birthday when I found out I was pregnant with my second son, and my second son stopped at 21 months when I found out I was pregnant with my third son. And my third son, well I’m not pregnant yet, so he’s still going strong at 20 months.
And I don’t plan to have anymore, so he might actually go until he can do multiplication.
I’m TOTALLY kidding.
Just until he can read.
However, once they pass their year birthday, I turn into more of a closet breastfeeder where I no longer want to do it publicly. Because in my opinion, if they can wolf down a hamburger like a wild animal, they are not in need of my nutrition while playing at the park. So I make them wait until we’re home. So it can sweetly be between us. That’s just how I prefer to roll. Or should I say, milk.
But wowza, once we’re at home, my milk machines are out all day. And for some strange reason, I don’t care. I just let them fly. Drinks for everyone. I’ll even nurse your baby if you don’t watch out.
Actually, I don’t do that. But I sure LOVE to tell my friends I do just to see their reactions when they come to pick their baby from my house and I say, “She breastfed really well today. We didn’t even have to use the bottle you left.”
But all joking aside, with all the time I’ve spent breastfeeding children, I have learned that if you are going to breastfeed your children FOREVER, you DO need to prepare yourself for some awkward encounters/conversations that may come as a result. Because the longer they do it, they more the love it. Or should I say, love to talk about it? So here are:
10 Awkward Encounters To Expect When Your Child Breastfeeds until They Read:
1. They say “boobies.” All. Of. The. Time. So when you’re out in public you have to try and cover for them saying that word at the drop of a hat.
Milk Addict: “Boobies!”
Milk Cow: “Oh, he was saying he wants to boogie. He’s a dancer, you know.”
Milk Addict: “No, Mommy. I said, “I want your boobies.”
2. They start using the suave “hand lead” to pull you to the nursing chair when people are over. (Imagine Derek Hough leading his partner across the dance floor, but make him shorter and balder and without a mustache.)
Milk Addict: “Just follow my lead, Mommy. Tell our guests we’ll return in a minute.”
Milk Cow: “Hey, we’ll be back. Just give us a sec. And feel free to start Easter dinner without us. Even though I cooked it all.”
3. They start reaching down the shirts of other women when they’re thirsty.
Milk Addict: “Oooooh. I’m so thirsty. Can I have a drink?”
Milk Cow: “He’s not actually trying to be inappropriate, he just wants to nurse you. I mean ME!”
4. When they want it. They want IT. I mean THEM. And they are hard to deter.
Bystander: “Does he need something? He seems really focused on something in your shirt. Like he’s trying to unbutton it.
Milk Cow: “Oh, no he’s fine. Here’s your milk cup, baby. Yum. Doesn’t that sound good?”
Milk Addict: Chucks cup across the room.
5. They start giving other babies advice on how to do it properly.
Milk Addict: “Now, I see you’re using your teeth instead of your lips. My mommy never goes for the teeth. She says that’s the fastest way to get yourself weaned.”
Milk Cow: “Son, let’s just let the baby nurse.”
Milk Addict: “What? I was just looking out for him!”
6. They chat it up with you. They pop on. They pop off. And like to tell you what it tastes likes.
Milk Addict: “MmmMmm. Did you eat cinnamon for breakfast? Delicious!!”
7. They throw a tantrum when a restaurant brings them cow’s milk instead of breastmilk.
Milk Addict: “Mommy, tell her I only drink breastmilk. I’m a purist!!!”
Milk Cow: “He’s kidding, totally kidding.”
8. They start getting witty and saying funny things before they start up.
Milk Addict: “Say hello to my little friends, I mean BIG friends!!”
Milk Cow: “Son, that’s inappropriate. Just eat.”
9. They ask for it every time they get a booboo because they remember you have squirted it on their every ailment from the time they were born.
Milk Addict: “Mommy, I just fell off the slide. I need some breastmilk on my knee. It hurts!!”
Milk Cow: “Shhh, son! He means Neosporin, people!!”
10. And my favorite. They start unknowingly hitting on other women thereby making you do the same.
Milk Addict: “You have nice boobies. You must have a lot of milk in there.”
Milk Cow: “He doesn’t really mean that in a bad way. He just means. He likes big boobs. And your boobs are really big. I mean…er….”
You might think that this list would be my number one reason for weaning. You would think. But strangely when people ask me, “So how long do YOU plan to breastfeed this one?”
I always laugh. And answer. “I don’t know.”
As soon as he can spell, “I LOVE BOOBIES!” we’ll consider weaning.
The author of this article is a wife, mother, blogger and licensed marriage and family therapist. 99% of her time is spent keeping her 3 boys alive and the other 1% is spent writing about their crazy times in her blog Sanctification and Spitup, which is also found on Facebook.
15 thoughts on “10 Awkward Encounters to Expect When Your Child Breastfeeds Until They Read”
Ha! I’m still nursing my 3.5 year old (naps and bedtime only but still!) and he will be the first to tell you there’s no more “milky” but that hasn’t stopped him – yet. Love this post!
Awww! So sweet!
You are FANTASTIC lol…..this post made my day.
I loved this and can totally relate as my super-smart Boy who’ll be 3yo does all these things and has not been detered from his beebee mission, despite the arrival of his brother 6 weeks ago. Glad I’m not alone!
You are not alone!!
This is AWESOME! :) Props to you for nursing all your kiddos for so long! I nursed my daughter until I couldn’t stand it any longer while pregnant with my son. I think she was just shy of 18 months, though my goal had been to get to 2 at least. My second will be one this month and we are still going strong. My hope is at least to two for him…but like you said, I wouldn’t mind going longer! :)
It is a commitment but so very sweet! Good luck!!
The brilliant thing about it when you actually do breastfeed them until they can read is that they learn what is/isn’t appropriate in public :) mr 2 year old is your classic hands-down-your-top-trying-to-pull-a-nipple-out. His 4.5y sister is able to have a chat about how most children her age aren’t breastfed (she’s cool with that, but adamant she wants to continue), and how we don’t talk about it in public (just like we don’t tell the other kids about Santa and the Easter bunny being pretend, the details of mummy’s periods and all manner of stuff we keep at home). She can’t do multiplication yet, but we were just working on addition and subtraction a few minutes ago :)
Haha! Well I’m so glad to hear they catch on! It sounds like you have a smartie on your hands!
Wonderful article and I loved the humorous perspective. As a mom of two boys who were breastfed to 18 months and 2 years, I know that it can be really rough. However, there are definitely some tender moments and considering that historically our species have been breastfeeding our young until age 5 and older, I truly believe that prolonged breastfeeding has many benefits.
It can be challenging but very rewarding too!!
I nursed my first one for more than 4 years (on these “rules ;) ). My second is now almost 2years old and all he wants all the time is “nyaniii” (We give them our-imagined-names, as it is easier – especially if you are in a middle of a concert or similar…). Great blog! Great advices! Thank you!
Thank you for reading! :)
I love this article, I have a 20 month old boy who looks like a 2.5 year old, people keeps on discouraging me to continue breastfeeding him. I really don’t care, as long as he likes to breastfeed, I am not stopping him :) Nothing compares to the 10-seconds when he starts to breastfeed and he just stares at your eyes like there is nothing more he needs other than you :)
Yes, that is very sweet!